Dear Abby advises a woman to tell her mother she doesn’t want to visit her in her grandmother’s house since she’s died.
: I have always been the outsider in my family. My grandma raised me because Mom was an alcoholic and ran the streets with her boyfriend. My grandma died three months ago, and I have been having a hard time dealing with it.
My mother has moved into my grandma’s house and wants me to come visit her. This is a problem because everywhere I look, it reminds me of my grandma. I have told her this, but she thinks that since she’s painted and decorated it differently, it shouldn’t be a problem for me. I am the only child who has anything to do with her , and she uses guilt when I don’t come out and help her clean or go grocery shopping for her. I was raised to believe that we should take care of our elders, but I still have issues with her not being in my life growing up. I don’t know how to handle this without just refusing to go. What should I do? — CONFLICTED IN MISSOURI: Tell your mother the truth, just as you related it to me.
My husband lost the last few years of his mom’s life to a horrible disease. Now he’s losing the last few years of his dad’s life to indifference and depression. Should we keep pushing Dad to get medical attention? Should we keep dragging him to appointments and nagging him about it? Or should we just let him give up? — ROADBLOCK IN MINNESOTA: It is important that your father-in-law be evaluated not only for depression but also for dementia.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
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