A roommate is back with her boyfriend, who now spends “99 percent of the nights” rent-free at their apartment.
What is a nice way to tell a roommate that her on-again boyfriend can’t live at our apartment? When she moved in, she said they had broken up, but now he’s been over 99 percent of the nights she’s lived with us. I definitely did not sign up for a nonpaying fourth roommate either way, but he isn’t even friendly. I am absolutely awful at bringing up uncomfortable things like this and would like to not sound rude or alienate her, if possible.
It’s not her priority to be liked; her priority is to have her boyfriend stay over. And so, voilà, her boyfriend practically lives there and you’re starting to resent her for it.Here’s where I’m going with this: People tend to get what they prioritize. Till now, you have made it your priority to be accommodating and nonconfrontational toward your new roommate — and so, voilà. You’re accommodating the nonpaying fourth roommate.
There’s no right or wrong choice here; there’s only what matters to you and what you’re willing to risk to achieve it.And the whole purpose of finding these things out is, hard as it may seem, to take that risk you’ve deemed acceptable and clearly state what you want. Not just with this, but with anything.
You may alienate your roommate, you may not; no matter how carefully you deliver your message, ultimately, you can’t control how she receives it. But you can be sure you believe in your message, put yourself in other people’s shoes as you formulate it, prepare for the full range of reactions to it and then deliver it to the best of your ability. You can have a plan in mind for handling it if her reaction isn’t a good one.But if you’re confident that what you’re asking is both fair and important enough to warrant a disturbance to the status quo, then taking a stand might feel better than you think.
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