“Cardiac Flicker”

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“Cardiac Flicker”
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From “Cardiac Flicker,” by Emily Leithauser. Read the full poem here.

the Polaroid-style ultrasounds in a drawer,two pairs of pajama pants. You dotted one with blood; the otheron the linoleum. That first Sunday, I drove to Walgreens,like baby dolls. I checked on them. Their double linesin the driveway, I called my mother; she told me to wait to telltexted them to my dearest friend. There are moments when I ammy private empirical acts. The doctor said you were older thannineteen.

But thenand inscrutable and indispensable, doubled and tripled and doubledkept willing you to grow as large as a pearl, or at leastbut you kept being younger than I knew you were, you keptwhy people think the miraculous and the quotidiana surprise, a collaboration made of air. Every day,inconceivably, laughably, wonderfully: smoke. And then: fire.is a metaphor. They call it a cardiac flicker.

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