4 reasons why it's hard to build emotional closeness with a parent who gaslights you—even if they're getting older
tactics towards you during your life, any attempt to reconnect more closely is going to bring up some big issues. You may have spent most of your adult life living in a different part of the country. Being geographically separated from an emotionally abusive parent is one way of creating an effective boundary between yourself and them — even if they visit for the occasional holiday, you know it’s going to come to an end.
You may well see this, though, as an opportunity to reconnect. At the most basic level, you’re aware that your ageing parent isn’t going to be around forever and you can see them becoming physically and mentally weaker, sometimes at an alarming rate. Surely, you tell yourself, that – no matter how they have behaved toward you in the past – you can make peace with them and resolve some of the issues which have plagued your relationship.
Unfortunately, if your parent has always been emotionally abusive, it’s unlikely that they’re going to suddenly change just because they’re older and frailer. They’re still the same person inside. While there may be some exceptions, here are some of the things people often experience when they try to create this connection after leading a relatively independent life from their parent.Adult children often have a hope that their parent will apologise for his or her behaviour.
So, is there any point in trying to live out the fantasy in which you and your parent reach that point of emotional closeness you’ve always desired? I think it can be a healing process, but you need to readjust what you expect from it. If your aim is to engage in this peaceful, calm, loving relationship which you’ve always wanted and never had, you may well be disappointed.
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