Advice from R. Eric Thomas.
Asking Eric: I’m afraid it’s wrong to continue being intimate with my husband after his Alzheimer’s diagnosis.My husband of almost 60 years has Alzheimer’s. At this point, he does not know who I am other than “some nice lady” who comes to see him. I initiate and have sex with him. Our initial dating and marriage were very sexual but went on to deteriorate due to his multiple flings and affairs. By the time he was diagnosed, we had not had sex in more than 20 years.
So, it is possible your husband is able to consent, even without the cognitive ability to recognize you. However, and this is a huge however, you’re putting yourself and him at risk if the facility where he’s being cared for doesn’t have a sexual expression policy and hasn’t evaluated his cognitive ability with respect to consent.
I also fear that some of your resentment from the mistreatment you endured is playing a role in all of this. I’m sorry for the way he treated you. I don’t think this is the safe path to healing, though.My father is turning 90 this November. He lives in Las Vegas; the rest of the family lives in other states. His siblings are throwing a big celebration for him. They scheduled it on a Tuesday night.
My father wants all of his children and grandchildren there and will be hurt if we don’t go. He says Vegas hotel rooms are cheaper during the week, so better for his retired siblings. I feel the party should accommodate all of his working children and grandchildren!
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