Should this mom tell her daughter she’s sad she’s skipping dad’s 80th birthday celebration trip?
She said she thought this was a fun idea, but now she wants to go on a cruise, instead. Our daughter is well aware that my husband does not wish to go on a cruise. So she and her family have planned a week-long cruise for that week, which means they won’t be with us for the birthday or any part of that holiday week.
I agree with the spirit of this point of view where it concerns not interfering with the decisions of competent adults to run their own lives and relationships the way they want to — but when these decisions directly affect your own life, are you supposed to remain silent? I don’t think so. If your daughter’s reasoning disappoints you, you should say so: “Dad and I were hoping to make this a family vacation, and we’re disappointed you won’t be with us.”When my parents were living, I traveled to seasonal family events, despite the taunts of a younger sister who is a classic bully. She needled and provoked and then found a way to blame me for her actions, which no one would discuss or correct. There was no right approach.
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