In today's Ask Amy column, Amy Dickinson responds to a mother who is hurt by her son's selfishness.
My son, daughter-in-law and grandson moved to another state, about an eight-hour drive from where I live. I do not feel comfortable making the drive by myself, but I can fly.So in order to visit them, according to his demands, I need to pay for the long-distance parking at the airport, the airfare, the Airbnb, and rent a car to get back and forth from the Airbnb to their house.He tells me, “Don’t give us gifts, save up for the trip.
I told him that if he wants me to visit them he should, please, pick me up from the airport and let me have a spot on their floor.We are at an impasse. I have decided that I’m just not going to visit until I am welcome to stay with them, which is the whole purpose of the trip. I don’t want to sit around from sunset to mid-morning in some isolated room.As absolutely reasonable as your query is, it is hard to imagine anyone being comfortable if you basically forced your presence upon this family.
However, families with new babies sometimes feel stressed to the breaking point. You don’t mention your daughter-in-law, but she may be struggling with postpartum issues that make the prospect of in-house overnight visits overwhelming.All the same, he has created a firm boundary, and if you want to see this little family, you seem to have no choice but to work within it.
If you could afford a visit longer than just a couple of days, you might be able to get to know their area better – finding diverting things to do when you’re not with the family. Also, staying in a guest-suite type of hotel with a coffee shop in the lobby might be less expensive – and decidedly less lonely – than an Airbnb.
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