DEAR AMY: I was married for 46 years to a man who probably shouldn’t have been married at all. He was not affectionate, even during sex ...
DEAR AMY: I was married for 46 years to a man who probably shouldn’t have been married at all. He was not affectionate, even during sex, cheated on me at least once, and when I asked why he married me, he said, “Because it was the thing to do.”About four years ago, I casually friended a man on social media. We are both in our 60s. He has shared that he is in an unhappy marriage. He says he stays with her because there’s a slim chance he could come into some money.We message several times a week.
He mentioned recently that when he was between marriages, he’d met a woman online and had traveled to meet her.I have already made clear to him that I will not do to another woman what was done to me. He’s not going to divorce his wife. He still wants to meet up, but I have no desire to drive such a distance just for lunch, nor to have him come here.
Do I just abruptly stop messaging him, or should I continue with very “vanilla” messages until any interest is gone?DEAR WONDERING: According to your account, a bell went off when you learned that this man raced to meet a woman he’d met online when he was in-between marriages. He wasn’t married at the time, and so he wasn’t cheating on anyone when he did that.
Maybe your bell went off because you learned that you weren’t the first woman this man had befriended online. I suspect that he has other “hons and sweethearts” out there, and whether this is for his emotional, friendship or financial gain - this is how he rolls. It is possible for a very nice person to have relationships with lots of other online sweethearts; all the same he is not a good match for you.Your extremely lengthy relationship experience has been to suppress your own needs in order to serve someone else.
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