Should she help her boyfriend reconnect with his estranged family – including his two adult daughters?
My boyfriend of 10 years does not have a close relationship with his parents and really no relationship at all with his two siblings. Little things have happened through the years that have upset people, and no one ever communicates or makes up with each other. He also doesn’t have good relationships with his young adult daughters. They seem to have chosen their mom over him.I know it hurts him but he doesn’t feel he can do much about it. He does try to reach out, with little response from them.
I say nothing to any of them because I barely know them, anyway. Is that the right thing to do? The fact that he doesn’t have a caring family hurts me, too.You have chosen to be with someone who does not have a track record of healthy relationships with others. It sounds as if his family system is dysfunctional, and while this could be the reason for his behavior, he doesn’t seem motivated to try to do things differently.
The noncommunicative conflict style followed by low or no-contact is something he learned at home. Estrangement is extremely common, and yes — it does run in families, oftentimes through generations. I suggest that he concentrate on trying to repair the relationship with his children. You can be helpful here by working on developing a braver and more functional communication style, by supporting his efforts, and by encouraging him to keep trying, with an open and loving attitude. If these daughters have aligned with their mother, they might have been lied to and their own spirits and relationships poisoned.
“Sam” might not be the primary male connection in “William’s” life , but I guarantee that the elder brother is the primary male connection for the younger brother. This exclusion hurts. You didn’t think it would bother Sam, but it does. He’s been honest about how hurt he is, and I think that your fiancé should apologize and offer him a place in the wedding. This is not bending to emotional blackmail, but responding to his brother’s honesty.
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