'I was becoming the fuckboy that I was conspiring against for a good part of my life.' _alextbh
This EP came from a place of emptiness. I went through countless heartbreaks and built my walls up in retaliation. I felt invincible trying to reclaim my power in the beginning — like,"Wow, okay this is how it feels like to be the other guy." I've overpromised in many casual relationships that I could care less about. I feel embarrassed to admit it, but yeah, I was becoming the fuckboy that I was conspiring against for a good part of my life. This EP serves as a reflection of that.
And in the process of writing it, my walls became more and more porous. Like, I really wanted genuine affection.It's like I deliberately choose to take the path of destruction each time, not thinking about the consequences that I may face in the long run. Starting from my past relationships, where I'd cling on to someone who gives me the slightest bit of attention, to chickening out and ghosting people now.
I don't really know how, tbh. I'm not the kind of guy that has an ethos or mantra to stick to. I don't do any of that"breathe in breathe out" bullshit. I sort of just float around. It was difficult trying to calm my emotional roller coaster in the beginning of lockdown. One day I'd wake up feeling optimistic and the next I'd be running out of clean clothes to wear. And then things sort of plateaued fairly quickly. Like, I'm totally fine with a 5/10 kind of day.
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