Their daughter in college is in touch 'rarely and never at length,' and they disagree on how hard to keep trying.
I think we should talk to her and maintain contact even if it’s not the “right” kind; my spouse thinks we will make fewer errors of omission and none of commission if we stay silent and let our daughter take the lead.— StagedAdvertisement
So start by reminding yourselves of the purpose of this “stage”: It’s hard to train your mind to hear your own voice when you’re so used to your parents’ positions on this, that and everything else. Your willingness not to call her could be the one thing that allows her to reason and mature her way back into your sphere of influence. Ironic, but there it is.
You can apply the 1980s treatment to your side, too, and communicate with her via snail mail. Assuming she has a mailbox, much less checks it.· Occasionally send letters or emails that are chatty, newsy and require no response. “We finally got the garage painted! Picture attached.” “We’re going to the orchard again this year to pick apples. We will be elbows deep in applesauce.” Just knowing she has a solid base that is still there but not demanding is the best gift of all.
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