When the ADHD brain doesn’t have enough stimulation, it looks for ways to increase its activity. Being angry or negative has an immediate stimulating effect on the brain.
Marriage is a partnership in which two people depend on each other for support, intimacy, and companionship. A person with ADHD can be undependable and unpredictable, which complicates this partnership but hardly makes it impossible. When you understand what goes on in the mind of an ADHDer, you are better able to develop systems for healthy functioning — together. That’s when you can enjoy the thrilling, scary, fun roller coaster ride of loving a person with ADHD.
There is a reason why people with ADHD play this game: When you get upset, your body produces increased amounts of adrenaline, raising the heart rate and brain activity.Many with ADHD are masters at getting others to scream and yell. Such behaviors give an adrenaline rush to the individual with ADHD, but they may lead to serious consequences, such as divorce, fights at school, or being fired from a job. This game is not planned.
Opposition seems to increase adrenaline in the ADHD brain. Some people with ADHD are argumentative and oppositional with all the people in their lives. This game has one rule: The first reaction to any request is “no, no way, never.” I often ask my patients, “How many times, out of 10, when your mother asks you to do something, will you do it the first time without arguing or fighting?” Many of them say, “Maybe two or three times out of 10.
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