Manipulation isn't always easy to identify. Here are 7 red flags to watch out for—and what to do about them if you see them.
Skilled manipulators alternate between deification and vilification. When we say or do what they want, they dispense praise. When we cross them, they label us as disappointing and hurtful. Both stances simplify and dehumanize. We are neither gods nor devils.
They may pretend to respect our privacy but only to identify our boundaries so that they can move around them., even if we’re not prepared to respond. To satisfy these demands, they use the “foot-in-the-door” technique, making small requests that we agree to, and then following with increasingly larger demands. With these larger demands, saying no is more difficult because there is already a yes.If we criticize, manipulative people will try to induce guilt for this criticism.
We have the right to be treated with respect, to set our own priorities, to say “no,” to express our thoughts and feelings, to take care of ourselves emotionally, and to live our lives as we see fit, without intrusion. If they say they won’t take “no” for an answer, we can give them “no” as an answer. Saying no diplomatically and firmly asserts our perspective while maintaining respect for the manipulating person. We can choose to explain our reasons for not complying, but we are not obligated to.When manipulative people test our limits, they are trying to detect how far we are willing to shift our position. When this happens, we need to stay firm and true to what we know is right for us.
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